Too often, I see the words hotwife and cuckoldress used interchangeably. Though there are times when the two both apply, when you dig into the words you find two very different views of female sexuality. As I see it, the cuckoldress view of female sexuality is more subversive and compelling, which is probably why I have been writing novels about it.
The one thing the two words have in common as that many couples have gotten into the “lifestyle” by swinging and/or open relationships. Essentially, swapping partners. Over time, a couple that is into the scene might center the activity around the woman, talking about her as a “hot wife,” or “slut wife.” The “hot wife” is generally a woman who has reclaimed her sexuality in a wilder form. So much so that she is probably a bit out of control.
In the heterosexual swinging world, a “hotwife” might post that she is “addicted to cock.” “Slutty” scenarios like gang bangs, sex with strangers and multiple partners might be fantasized about, if not acted on. For the most part, the “hot wife” is still sexually satisfied with her main partner, but they have both decided that their relationship will be mutually enhanced by sexual variety to meet the wife’s insatiable needs.
A cuckolding scenario can emerge from sexual swinging and sexual experimentation also. Sometimes, a “hot wife” can become a “cuckoldress.” Rarely, however, is the reverse true. “Cuckoldress” tends to be a destination identity, whereas “hot wife” can be a phase that leads to other end results. When a cuckoldress identity emerges from swinging, it is because the couple in question realizes that the wife not only needs other partners, but realizes through comparison that she is not sufficiently fulfilled by her spouse. Unlike the hot wife, the cuckoldress is not looking just for “more sex” but for “better sex.”
Often, though not always, the heterosexual cuckoldress comes to realize that the endowment of her partner is not satisfactory for her sexual fulfillment. This is not always the reason, sometimes stamina comes into play, or the impotence/sexual performance of the husband. But most often, when swinging does lead to cuckolding, the inadequate size of the spouse plays a major role in this outcome.
However, for the cuckoldress, the realization is less that she is an out-of-control, slutty wife. Rather she decides she has been famished for a caliber of sex she was lacking in her marriage, a type of sex she begins to feel she has a right to. Or at least a right to discuss openly with her partner. In my opinion, the indiscrimately “slutty hot wife” is (usually) more of a male fantasy.
The cuckoldress on the other hand is more of an authentic claiming of female sexual power, truer to how women think about sex in general. Instead of having sex indiscriminately with any stranger that comes along, the cuckoldress will carefully select the right compatible sexual partner and might keep that partner for some time. The cuckoldress doesn’t feel out of control sexually, rather she is exerting more control over sex – inside and outside of her marriage – than she ever has in the past.
The cuckoldress is more of a disruptive sexual archetype because a hot wife usually means the husband is projecting “slutty desires” onto the wife. The cuckoldress projects sexual inadequacy or lack of fulfillment back onto the husband for him to evaluate in the sexual mirror. Some cuckolds are highly aroused by such a dynamic, but many men are not ready to accept such a circumstance.
Of course, you could make the argument that most cuckold fantasies are created by men also. That is definitely true. However, I would argue that this is the case because societal values still place a taboo around not only cuckolding but the idea that women can be sexually ruthless, choosing spouses for stability while opting for a lover on the side that meets a deeper sexual requirement.
Women who are given the space and encouragement to explore these kinds of lifestyles often discover they are not as monogamous as they once saw themselves. They may desire familial stability, but if they can have their sexual cake and eat it too, they will. On their own terms. Not as insatiable sluts who spread for anyone, but as powerful sexual consumers.
So the cuckoldress almost reverses the “slut wife” dynamic. The cuckoldress is in total sexual control of her marriage – or in control up to the limits the two partners have agreed to. She loses control selectively in the presence of more sexually dominant partners who can tap into her submissiveness tendencies. Around her cuckold, who cannot make her feel sexually submissive, she acts much more dominant. She is hardly a slut, but a woman who knows exactly how to get her sexual needs met when she needs to. For the willing cuckold, he essentially becomes the slut in the relationship, constantly fantasizing about what his wife is doing with other men and also hoping and pining for the next time he is teased, denied, or humiliated for his own inadequacies. Often he will stroke off to these fantasies.
That’s why the hot wife relationship can sometimes have an element of hypocrisy, when deep down it’s the husband who craves losing sexual control to a wife who starts dictating the sexual terms. Of course, as I talked about last time, not all men are ready for this kind of transition, no matter how unfulfilling they are to their partners.
The goal of this post was NOT to over simplify the incredible variety of sexual relationships that are possible with an open mindset. Obviously there are plenty of exceptions to the rules I discussed here; maybe there are no rules. But since I’ve never seen the striking differences between these two terms explored, I thought it was about time. My novel (and my upcoming ones) centers on the cuckolding side where I personally find more taboo power and possibility.